Agent Smith was in the movie (eppeared in two scenes in person), and Diana was also in the movie (about 2 or 3 scenes as a voice). So either you had only your brother watch the movie and tell you what it was about or both of you have only have heard bits and pieces about the film. So don’t go reviewing a movie you have no idea about.

-Jacob Lieter

[…] The movie is full or ridiculous scenes that look like they were inspired by The Net. For example, at one point the bad guy played by Timothy Olyphant (who we probably better know as The Asexual Hitman Man) goes “McClain, I just deleted your bank account and now I’m deleting your 401k – how do you feel about that? Muahahahaha” as he types something on his keyboard and an animation shows a page with a big 401k heading and a table with some numbers that suddenly start counting down until they all reach $0. The scene is silly in itself but it becomes even sillier when you find out what the bad guys are “really after”. […]

I watched about half an hour of it and turned it off, it was an appalling film, and that’s without even comparing it to the games! I have all the games, and love them, when I heard they were making a film my first thoughts were “Oh god, this is going to SUCK!” and sadly I was right. Personally I always thought that the Hitman story would make an excellent film, if done well and if they didn’t mess with it to much. They messed with it. The entire IDEA of 47 is that he is a big, intimidating, emotionless, killing machine, but at the same time amazingly intelligent so that he could complete his missions undetected. Even in the small portion of the film I watched, that was not the impression I got from him at all, he just seemed like some young guy who kills people, leaving him emotionally screwed up, plus the fact that they had him with a shaved head, rather than just being bald??? The actor they got just didn’t fill the criteria for Agent 47, he looked young and innocent, he wasn’t particularly tall, despite in all the games 47 being at least a foot taller than most people around him. He looked scrawny, rather than 47’s impressively broad shoulders and muscular physique.
The lead woman reminded me more of the whore that 47 seemed to always run into in the first two games, who’s advance 47 would always rebuke by just completely blanking her, rather than wasting sedative, the fact that he let her get that close in the film? I mean really! She could have had a knife and killed him several times over (as happens occasionally in Blood Money if you’re dumb enough to think you might get 47 laid!).
All in all, they would have done better just making an accurate film representation of Hitman Codename 47, it has a good story to it, which draws to a good conclusion that can be followed up if the film is a success, if not then the story ends there.

All I remember about the Illusionist is that it was no The Prestige.

[quote post=”2507″]I kinda enjoyed it, mainly because I’ve never played the game before! I guess being ignorant of the source material helps in this regard. Most of my friends love the Spiderman/Xmen movies while I thought they sucked big time.[/quote]

Oh man, Spiderman sucked real bad. I hated it from the first movie, but the third one was just to horrible for words.

X-men was tolerable – I did not mind it that much. It was bad in it’s own little way but I was ok with it.

But you are right. Lack of exposure to the source helps. For example, I actually liked the Hellboy movie and will probably go see the new one. But that might be because I never read the comic book.

[quote post=”2507″]He wastes a good syringe of sedative just to throw a girl off him.[/quote]

Not only that, but it was absolutely pointless. I mean, he could just toss her off or something. I mean, this guy is supposed to be the ultimate assassin and like the biggest bad ass in town. Real agent 47 wouldn’t take shit from some wimpy bitch. In the games he actually was a pretty intimidating guy – most bad guys would literally shit their pants if they could see him. They rarely did though. :P

I kinda enjoyed it, mainly because I’ve never played the game before! I guess being ignorant of the source material helps in this regard. Most of my friends love the Spiderman/Xmen movies while I thought they sucked big time.

But it’s true what you said. Whenever the lead girl made a sexual advance towards him, he acts like a total wimp. He wastes a good syringe of sedative just to throw a girl off him.

[quote post=”2507″]Where are the stars?[/quote]

You mean the hReview format? I ditched it when I realized that my scores were completely arbitrary and inconsistent. Putting a numerical score on a review sort of implies that there is some sort of objective scoring system, or a scale behind it. But there is none – it’s all very subjective and personal and follows no discernible pattern. I really can’t consistently quantify how much I like or dislike a given movie using the same scale – so I stopped.

[quote comment=”9319″]40 year old virgen meets the illusionist in an un-intertaining “use gore and explosions to cover up a bad movie” flick.

It WAS better than crank…but I wanted to hit my balls with a stapler while watching that.[/quote]

Never seen illusionist, but yeah – sounds about right. :)

Where are the stars?

This movie sucked… alot…
It was boring and I disliked most of it.

I think you kinda summed it up right but wrong:

40 year old virgen meets the illusionist in an un-intertaining “use gore and explosions to cover up a bad movie” flick.

It WAS better than crank…but I wanted to hit my balls with a stapler while watching that.