Comcast Sucks (Again)

I came back home yesterday to find out that my cable was down. This meant no TV, and no internet until Saturday. Yup, you heard it! Saturday! Why? Because Shitcast Cable does not have any openings tomorrow and generally they don’t fucking give a shit. In my town, you can either have Comcast, or go fuck yourself. Those are pretty much the two alternatives and that’s how they treat the customers here. And, of course the technicians they hire have no higher brain function.

I mean, I could say they are all legally retarded, but that would actually be offensive to people who have actual mental retardations. And I’m serious – there were two mildly retarded kids working in the local Taco Bell at one point. And I have to tell you – that was probably the best customer service in this while fucking county. They were fast, they rarely made mistakes, they were hard working and very serious about their job. People call them “slow” but you don’t know slow until you have met the Comcast technicians who service my town. The fuckers move slow, think even slower and have absolutely no clue what the hell are they doing.

For example, one time two of these guys were doing some service call in the house and they decided to completely disconnect all the cables and connect them back. Unfortunately we had both a VCR and DVD player in that room. The setup was something like this: cable box connected to VCR, VCR connected to the DVD player, which in turn connected to the TV. Comcast monkeys #1 and #2 connected the cable box to the TV, and then hid the spare cables under the rug and claimed it was always this way. When we insisted that they connect everything the way it was they said they have to get something from the truck and then drove away. Calling them monkeys is actually doing disservice to our primate cousins. I seriously think that the fact those people have opposable thumbs is just a fluke – some genetic mutation in the pile of shit that they crawled out of.

Anyway, I have no TV and no internet for half of the weekend, because Comcast doesn’t fucking give a flying shit if I cancel or not. My dad walked outside and noticed that there are two cables running to our house. One is actually connected to a splitter, while the other one is just dangling next to it. Why?

Ok, remember that whole rant about Comcast technicians in this area being worthless sacks of horse shit? That’s precisely why. At one point in time some genius decided that we should put half of the house on one line, and the other half on the second one to improve signal strength and connection speed. So he actually pulled a second cable from the pole to the house and set it up that way. We were actually pretty happy, because he actually *gasp* did some actual work to help us. And as we all know, this only happens once every few hundred years on a full moon when all the planets are aligned. The neighbors actually came outside and started gawking. I also heard them whispering about the age of Aquarius, Cthulhu, end of times and etc.

The next guy that was fixing our connection decided he doesn’t understand what the other guy did. Then he decided it was stupid, retarded and the other guy was an idiot. He seemed shocked and disgusted that his predecessor would go to so much trouble – that he would actually even consider helping the customer. So he disconnected one cable (possibly out of spite), put in a splitter. Naturally he didn’t remove the cable – so it was just dangling there in the wind, making strange knocking noises in the night until we clamped it down.

So for shits and giggles we decided to check if the dude ever bothered to actually disconnect that 2nd cable. Remember, these dudes are breed and intensively trained to avoid any kind of work and be as rude to the customer as possible. Sometimes they may even spew corrosive venom at your face just like Newman did in Jurassic Park. And no, it was not the lizard who was spitting the venom – you are confusing the movie with the book. :p Also note that we had no TV or internet. And when we don’t have those two fundamentally essential things, we get restless and get interesting ideas. So shits and giggles were imminent.

So we went outside, disconnected the regular cable, and plugged in the dangling one into the splitter. Lo and behold, our cable was back. No one ever bothered disconnecting that odd cable. I mean, climbing the pole requires that you have… I don’t know – life force and motivation? The walking zombies of Comcast have neither. All the have is deep, unexplainable hatred for the customer and absolute lack of understanding of anything related to technology.

Apparently something happened to that wire during the thunderstorm today. For once, I’m actually grateful for the inborn laziness of the Comcast drones. Thanks to their complete lack of attention to detail, I had my TV and internet back on the same day and didn’t have to wait till the fucking Saturday.

Question is – is this legal? I’m pretty sure it is, because I’m still paying them, and they are the people who put that wire there. It’s not like I randomly pulled a rouge wire from the pole. They did that – all I did was to swap the two wires outside my house. I don’t see anything wrong with that and if they say anything about it on Saturday I will fucking kick them in the balls.

[tags]comcast, comcast cable, internet, internet access, isp, cables, technician, comcast technician[/tags]