Logging In Like A Luser

Out life is filled with login screens. Average user will usually go through a log-in procedure several times each day.

Log In

You have one login to unlock your machine, one for your IM, one for webmail, one for myspace, one for facebook, one for twitter and etc. With so many different services that you log into daily, one would expect people to know how to use standard login form.

But they don’t! I noticed that most people I work with follow a very intricate, almost ritualistic pattern here. This is how to log in like a total luser:

  1. Most online forms will use javascript to focus on the user-name field so you can start typing right away. Ignore this. The proper luser protocol requires you to click on the appropriate field with your mouse at least twice (to make sure the cursor is where it should be)
  2. As a rule, when you mistype the first letter of your user name (ie. “ksmith” instead of “jmith”), you need to delete the whole word by pressing backspace repeatedly and then start over.
  3. After you finish typing you need to wiggle your mouse to find the cursor again. This is a crucial step.
  4. Click on the password field with your mouse. Who needs to use Tab, when you can take off your hands from the keyboard and play with the mouse.
  5. When you type in your password you need to spell it our in an audible manner so that you don’t make a mistake.
  6. Wiggle your mouse again.
  7. Find and click the submit button. Remember to press down, and hold the button for 3-4 seconds as you once more make sure that your user name is correct. Remember to ignore the fact that 99.9999% of forms (both web based and not) can be submitted by simply pressing return.

If this is how you usually log in, you need to kill yourself. I will never understand why people insist on turning a 3 second “finger memory” routine, into an excruciating minute long ordeal. I always tell people that they should just use Tab and Return to fill out login forms, but most of them just ignores my advice. When this happens, I usually walk away few steps and take few deep breaths and try to think happy thoughts.

[tags]login, logging in, login form, log in, humor[/tags]

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7 Responses to Logging In Like A Luser

  1. Pit POLAND Mozilla Firefox Windows says:

    Ta ta ta ta that`s true folks…

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  2. Craig Betts UNITED STATES Mozilla Firefox Solaris Terminalist says:

    ROFLMFAO!

    People I work with are constantly amazed that I hardly touch my mouse. Then again, I survived the Windows 3.1 days without a mouse, so I know how to even get around Windows without it. I even had a non-windows keyboard when running Windows 95 and would use the control-escape sequence to activate the start button.

    Oh well, maybe we should just hand out old DOS systems again for everybody to work on. Might cut down on all the time wasted surfing the web! (not me though, I still use lynx occasionally).

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  3. Wikke BELGIUM Mozilla Firefox Windows says:

    … and then your boss says: “Make it so that when you press “return”, the form submits”.
    You think you’re clever and detail-minded, but in the end, it”‘s mostly a waste of “line”

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  4. Wikke BELGIUM Mozilla Firefox Windows says:

    [quote comment="4398"]ROFLMFAO!
    People I work with are constantly amazed that I hardly touch my mouse. [/quote]
    True! Most people think it’s some dark magic. The use of the mouse is so well adapted, most people go like “Huh!?” when you do some alt-tabbing to switch windows.

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  5. Luke UNITED STATES Mozilla Firefox Ubuntu Linux says:

    [quote comment="4398"]People I work with are constantly amazed that I hardly touch my mouse. Then again, I survived the Windows 3.1 days without a mouse, so I know how to even get around Windows without it. I even had a non-windows keyboard when running Windows 95 and would use the control-escape sequence to activate the start button.[/quote]

    People get confused when I use the Run command to get to most system settings (ie. services.msc, nusrmgr.cpl, devmgmt.msc and etc).

    Launchy makes this even easier. I use launchy for almost everything when I’m on windows now. :P

    [quote comment="4398"]Oh well, maybe we should just hand out old DOS systems again for everybody to work on. Might cut down on all the time wasted surfing the web! (not me though, I still use lynx occasionally).[/quote]

    I use Elinks – it actually has some css capabilities so some of the web pages out there actually look really good in it. My site is not one of them, but whatever. :P

    [quote comment="4399"]…and then your boss says: “Make it so that when you press “return”, the form submits”.[/quote]

    Correct response to this is “Consider it done!” – since it’s a built in feature, it will be done whenever he decides to consider it. :)

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  6. Matt` UNITED KINGDOM Mozilla Firefox Windows Terminalist says:

    Similarly excruciating is watching my dad scroll down a webpage using the sidebar when he has a perfectly good scroll wheel at his fingertips, he goes through the “wiggle mouse” process for that as well.

    my login procedure has one simple step: click the button
    (I make use of Firefox’s password remember-er)

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  7. Luke UNITED STATES Mozilla Firefox Ubuntu Linux says:

    [quote comment="4412"]my login procedure has one simple step: click the button (I make use of Firefox’s password remember-er)[/quote]

    I do that too. I also religiously lock the computer every time when I step away from the desk – even if I’m home alone (force of habit). This way my system login acts as a gatekeeper for all the passwords stored by my browser.

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