Jesus Christ, I hate stupid people. Seriously! There is nothing worse than watching an idiot try to use internet. It is a rage inducing torture if I have ever seen any. I have no clue how do some of the people out there manage to function when even getting to a website is a wondrous magical journey for them.
Do this experiment for me – observe how some of your friends and loved ones log into Facebook. Watch what they do first. See if you observe this pattern:
- The subject erratically moves the mouse in circles while searching for the web browser icon. This usually takes up to a minute if they are using their own computer.
- The subject spots the blue E icon and double clicks on it
- The since Internet Exploder takes about half an hour to start up, subject invariably double clicks on the shortcut again 3 or 4 times
- The subject becomes confused that several windows have opened so he closes them all
- The subject stares at the desktop wondering what happened
- The subject hunts for the IE icon again, having forgotten where it was due to the fact they have TEN MILLION files on the desktop
- The subject opens 5 instances of IE again. This time they manage to close 4 of them leaving one open.
- The subject waits 20 minutes for the MSN homepage to load
- The subject uses the mouse to click into the address bar and the URL becomes auto-highlighted by default
- The subject ignores the highlight, uses the mouse to click on the text to un-highlight it
- The subject laboriously re-highlights the URL with the mouse
- The subject hits delete key on the keyboard
- The subjects uses the mouse again, to make sure they are still in the address box
- The subject types in www.google.com
- Google page loads, and the search box becomes the active form
- The subject ignores the blinking cursor in the search box and uses their mouse to click inside the box
- The subject types www.facebook.com into the Google search box
- The subject uses the mouse to click on the search button
- The subject clicks on the first result
Then when they see me high Ctrl+L, type in facebook and hit Ctrl+Enter they think I’m some kind of wizard. It is painful, PAINFUL to watch you people do this. It’s like watching someone try to drive their car by first sitting in the passenger seat, then laboriously climbing over to the driver seat only to pop the trunk up, then climbing to the back seat, dismantling it, exiting car through the trunk, and then finally walking around to the driver side door. Stop fucking doing this.
Also, can we please stop putting www in front of every fucking web address? I am sick and tired telling people that:
- No, you can’t access webmail.your-company-name.com by typing it into Google
- Putting www in front of webmail is both unnecessary and counterproductive
Yes folks, using a sub-domain other than www may prevent some people from ever reaching your website – unless of course you create a sub-sub-domain named www. This is fine for blogs and message boards – frankly we do not need this sort of people wasting our bandwidth. But when said site belongs to a company and the employees can’t figure out how to access webmail, scheduling and timesheet sub-domains this is a problem.
I’m not shitting you here – we had a guy call the tech support desk the other day claiming webmail was down. We scrambled to see what was going on. It turned out that he just decided to put www in front of the address. For the record, that guy has been with the company for several years, and the address of the webmail has never been changed.
Here is another example of luser brilliance: I told someone to try downloading Malwarebytes to help with their virus woes. I made sure typing www.malwarebytes.org into Google yielded the correct page. What I did not anticipate was the fact that Malwarebytes just like many similar projects does not have direct downloads. Instead they use a distributed system of popular mirrors – so the default download link will forward the user to Cnet, Majorgeeks or some other site like that. All these download hubs have one thing in common – they are supported by advertising. Guess what my luser did?
He downloaded everything on that website other than actual Malwarebytes executable. Poor guy ended up with Registry Mechanic, Virus Vanquisher, Malware Eradicator and etc… I didn’t really know whether I should laugh or cry.
Oh, and one time we had an outraged dude call the help desk and demand we switch his home page back to the way it was. Apparently MSN changed their layout one day, to be more like Google and the fact that you could no longer have both the stock quotes and juicy celebrity gossip on the same page was unacceptable.
I know that computers are mysterious and magical. I know that things like the hierarchical file system designed to mimic a file cabinet with files and folders is impossible to comprehend without a degree in computer science. But web browsing? How the hell do you not know how to browse the fucking web? I mean, this is ALL YOU FUCKING DO on your computer – and every time you do it, you act as if this was your first time. STOP IT!
In this comment thread we talk about friends, relatives and coworkers failing to internet properly. Please tell me about that one time when you were forced to face palm so hard you almost knocked yourself out.