Stumbling for Purity

I was just mindlessly hitting the StumbleUpon button today to find some interesting website. Surprisingly I encountered a really long streak of bland and uninteresting pages. I was little disappointed with my stumbling session, and then I found americansforpurity.org and I just couldn’t stop chuckling!

This site totally made my day. Here are some gems you will encounter there:

Medical science proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness

Yep, that is 100% accurate! It also makes hair grow on your palms! It’s a medical fact! I swear!

Many people use Kleenex and hand lotion to Masturbate (don’t ask me for the disgusting details)! These items should be sold only to adults with a doctor’s prescription.

Yes, evil, evil Kleenex! Ban it all!

Any person caught touching his or her genitals without a solid, medically-approved reason should be imprisoned in a boot camp. We will teach our children that God did not give us genitals for entertainment.

Yes, we will put shake counters in public restrooms. One shake is good, two shakes are ok, but shake it 3 times and it’s off to jail with you pal!

Conservatives are pushing for a Constitutional Amendment that would make the Southern Accent the Official Accent of the United States. We think this is a great idea because, as you’ve probably noticed, people with Southern Accents tend to be more Godly and Conservative than folks with Yankee accents. Our plan would require that all schoolchildren be taught by teachers with a Southern Accent, and that a Yankee accent should be considered a “speech impediment.”

Ow, crap – I better work on my southern drawl or I might be in trouble!

Seriously though, this page is a joke, right? Someone please tell me this is not real. I really find it hard to believe that there would still be people out there who think this way. This stuff is so over the top that it seems to silly even for those bible beating creationists out there… But then again, you never know…

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3 Responses to Stumbling for Purity

  1. Matt UNITED KINGDOM Mozilla Firefox Windows Terminalist says:

    If you insist
    *ahem* this is not real

    seriously, the whole thing is so damned sarcastic I’m surprised you neede to even mention any kind of doubt. For example: In the Post-9/11 world, Americans couldn’t care less about “Freedom!”

    really, really obvious, im starting to suspect Im going to make an ass of myself by posting this because your doubt was actually sarcasm in itself

    ..
    ah well, CLICK!

    Reply  |  Quote
  2. Luke UNITED STATES Mozilla Firefox Ubuntu Linux says:

    I’m actually almost 90% sure this is fake because it’s so blatantly over the top stupid. But then again, there are people out there who burn Harry Potter books and do all other crazy stuff…

    I’m kinda hoping that someone will pipe in with a comment like: “yeah, the folks at XYZ forum made this few years back – I’m surprised you didn’t know that”. Because this iste is so silly it just might have been a big joke making it’s ronds on the internets like 6 years ago and I just totally missed it. :P

    But then I remember that somewhere in US there is a museum for Creationists which depicts humans and dinosaurs living together at the same time – Flinstones style. So there is a chance that the author of this site is a 100% serious and he trully believes in all of that crap.

    Reply  |  Quote
  3. John BELGIUM Mozilla Firefox Windows says:

    I agree in their topic!
    To do the impossible possible, worth a challenge ^^
    40 days and 40 nights alike?

    Reply  |  Quote

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