I was just mindlessly hitting the StumbleUpon button today to find some interesting website. Surprisingly I encountered a really long streak of bland and uninteresting pages. I was little disappointed with my stumbling session, and then I found americansforpurity.org and I just couldn’t stop chuckling!
This site totally made my day. Here are some gems you will encounter there:
Medical science proves that chronic Masturbation causes weakness, depression, forgetfulness and nearsightedness
Yep, that is 100% accurate! It also makes hair grow on your palms! It’s a medical fact! I swear!
Many people use Kleenex and hand lotion to Masturbate (don’t ask me for the disgusting details)! These items should be sold only to adults with a doctor’s prescription.
Yes, evil, evil Kleenex! Ban it all!
Any person caught touching his or her genitals without a solid, medically-approved reason should be imprisoned in a boot camp. We will teach our children that God did not give us genitals for entertainment.
Yes, we will put shake counters in public restrooms. One shake is good, two shakes are ok, but shake it 3 times and it’s off to jail with you pal!
Conservatives are pushing for a Constitutional Amendment that would make the Southern Accent the Official Accent of the United States. We think this is a great idea because, as you’ve probably noticed, people with Southern Accents tend to be more Godly and Conservative than folks with Yankee accents. Our plan would require that all schoolchildren be taught by teachers with a Southern Accent, and that a Yankee accent should be considered a “speech impediment.”
Ow, crap – I better work on my southern drawl or I might be in trouble!
Seriously though, this page is a joke, right? Someone please tell me this is not real. I really find it hard to believe that there would still be people out there who think this way. This stuff is so over the top that it seems to silly even for those bible beating creationists out there… But then again, you never know…