The title of this post is the unquestionable #1 issue that IT departments all across the globe have to deal with on a daily basis. From my personal experience I would say that over a half of your tickets if not more will contain words “and complains that his/her computer is slow”. To put it in context: I’m currently watching over a heard of 60-70 semi-intelligent primates who have innate talent to render any electronic device I give them completely unusable in 60 seconds flat. And no – they never drop them, or anything like that. It’s like the emanate some sort of luddite rays that break computers.
Here is the thing though: if you call a helpline with this issue, you are going to get the standard answer:
Slowness can be caused by just about anything that is running at your machine. This is a really long call, that may or may not end in successful resolution of the problem. So they will rather send you on a wild goose chase for a virus or spyware that may or may not exist. Chances are that the scan will find something, and it will appear as if the problem is fixed so you won’t call back.
If you have dedicated IT people at your company that actually get paid to resolve problems as opposed to closing support tickets they might actually want to jump on your computer and see what is going on. 9 out of 10 times we do this, the user says the same thing:
So we take your computer to monitor it, run all possible virus and spyware scans, stare at th CPU usage for 15-20 minutes and conclude there is nothing fucking wrong with the machine and you are an idiot. We usually don’t have time to sit there and mess around until we find what triggers your problem. So we just re-image it (and if we are nice we will even back up your data) and give it back to you.
Most likely, 2 weeks from now you will come back with the same problem. Because what is the first thing that users do when they get a freshly re-imaged computer? They reinstall all the shit that we just got rid of – and one of these things (or a combination of several of them) is bound to be causing the intermittent performance issues. For example, it could be the software for your all in one printer.
For your in-house people there is a relatively simple solution: take away their admin privileges on company machines. They will moan and bitch, and hate you for preventing them from installing AIM god knows what else, but in the end, but it might be worth it. Unfortunately I do not have this luxury, because my users are scattered all over the country, and often need to install 3rd party software at client companies. Also, this is not a 100% foolproof method because users without admin rights will also complain of slowness.
Telling an IT person that your computer is slow, is roughly equivalent to telling a doctor that you feel “icky” or “weird” and don’t give him any other sympthoms. Most likely you will be told to take an aspirin and call back in the morning.
[tags]computer is slow, my computer is slow, slow, users, it, lusers, tech support[/tags]